What's missing?

(If you're maybe just tuning into this blog for the first time, it started as a follow-up to a research project I did in 2007 on church "affiliates" -- people who remain connected to the church, even if they're not all that active. )

On my survey, I asked people about two different kinds of reasons that they didn't go to church more often. One had to do with the church -- you know, boring, out-of-date, unwelcoming, bad music. And there was no clear-cut, #1 reason, at least not from the group that answered my survey. Nothing that stood out.

The other set of questions had to do with personal lifestyle issues -- and the results here were clearer. People are working on Sunday, or they go like crazy all week and Sunday morning is their "Sabbath" -- their break -- which includes break from going to church.

But I wonder to what extent people are really turned off by what goes on in your typical church -- or at least not turned on. I wonder how much people's perceptions of churches are closed, judgmental, or irrelevant is the main disincentive to being there. People who answered my survey weren't hostile to the church. They had pretty good feelings about the church.

But I keep running up against genuine hungers that people have, and which the church ought to be really good at addressing -- hungers for community, forgiveness, meaning and purpose, etc.

So, what's missing?

Community and Connectedness

I just had coffee with a friend whom I have mentioned before. She came to my church for a while with her family, but really reacted negatively against what she saw as "Christian exclusivism." But the more I talk to her, the more I realize that we have a lot fundamentally in common.

She asked me what I thought the role of churches was in today's culture. I replied with my well-practiced line about people no longer needing the church as a place to meet friends or to socialize. The church doesn't function as a meeting place at the centre of the community any longer, I said. It has to do with offering a Big Narrative from which people can perceive the meaning of their own stories.

The conversation went in a different direction, and after a while she said, "You said people don't look to the church for community and friendship any more, yet that's exactly what I think they're hungry for. Everyone is so isolated and just crying out for contact with others." That led us to talk about the reasons for this and what we can do about it. She told me about a couple of instances where she has spontaneously struck up conversations, invited people to her home and taken the initiative to create friendships.

I left thinking that I really might have something to learn from this spiritually searching yet institutionally alienated person. And thinking how important these conversations over coffee can really be.