Hidden agendas

I got a call out of the blue the other week from a young woman who I thought must have left town because none of the church's communications with her received any reply. But, she's had a second baby, and, guess what? wants to have the baby baptized.

It was great to see her again after several years and what impressed me in talking to her was her intuitive grasp of some pretty deep theological concepts like grace and providence. Her approach to parenting and family life would benefit so much from being shaped and deepened through Christian community.

She was very wary of any hints about deeper involvement because of family demands and employment uncertainty. But she had this real openness of spirit, and really wanted to talk about the things that matter to her deeply.

I was fighting with myself to resist the temptation to keep on steering the conversation away from her concerns onto the church's needs. I haven't sorted the how-to stuff out in my mind, but I'm becoming more convinced, though, that we have to resist exactly this temptation -- to bring a preset agenda to our interactions with people. Now, she came to the church asking for the church's ministry. But ministry would seem to be establishing a supportive relationship with her and her family, so that they can begin discovering the presence of God in their lives -- and let that be the motivation for church involvement, not vice versa.

We need to help people discern what God is up to in their lives and build on that, rather than starting with the recruitment pitch.

Sabbath longing

I was meeting with one of my spiritual disciplines groups today. One of the women in the group talked about a friend of hers who says her goal is "to get back to church." But that goal is being frustrated by the shape and texture of her life. She works all week, runs on Saturday, has her in-laws for dinner every Sunday -- which leaves Sunday morning for "family time." She says that if she does manage to wrestle her kids into their Sunday clothes and get to church in one piece, they go off to Sunday School and she sits in worship by herself.

A very common refrain. And I've found that lectures about "getting your priorities straight" are singularly unhelpful for someone in this predicament. (Although, like all of us, I think she needs to do some work on getting her priorities straight!)

This woman is longing for a "sabbath" -- a time away from work and obligation to be refreshed and to enjoy the company of her family. She's "open" to returning to a worshiping community, but can't get beyond seeing church as one more participant in the conspiracy to withhold this refreshment. What do we tell her?